Oh Lordy, we are a funny breed at times!
Lately I have found a common theme amongst clients is the almost feverish need to push ourselves to the point of burnout,and why? because of a very outdated way of behaviour, for some reason many of us at times almost revert to 1950s housewife mode in an endeavour to keep everybody happy. Everybody but ourselves. It has took me almost a lifetime to get a grip and start saying no. I am by nature a people pleaser, anything for an easy life, but at what cost? The cost dear reader , can be a whole myriad of health issues, from complete exhaustion , migraines and general malaise to more serious issues such as fibromyalgia and ME.
I no longer agree to anything that I don’t want to do, whether it is attending a function that doesn’t really interest me, or joining a class that I really don’t have the time for, I realise I am doing myself a huge dis- service by trying to spread myself too thinly, it is actually quite liberating to let myself off the hook, so to speak. Try it.
We need to stop. Just stop. Jump off the rollercoaster and slow the Hell down, start looking after ourselves and indulge in some extreme self care, I don’t suggest for a second that we ditch our responsibilities, please do not take this as a go ahead to dump your kids on the in-laws whilst you go party like it is 1999. However, I do suggest the following guidelines in order to be Captain of our own ship.
1. If you are put on the spot by someone who issues an impromptu invite, instead of panicking or feeling under pressure, simply say “ I’ll get back to you about that soon, ok?” then you can decide in your own time whether this is something you would like to be part of or not.
2. Keep an appointment diary, this is essential for me, the number of times I have double booked myself is unreal and thus creates stressful situations when I feel I am letting someone down.
3.Be honest, excuses are not necessary, but keep your reasons brief, for example if like me you just do feel at times that you are too busy, say so, as in “ I will give it a miss this time, I am really busy at the moment and feel like I need to have some me time”
4.Commit to doing nothing sometimes. It is ok, really, the world will not go into a holding pattern if the housework is not done and the kids are eating beans on toast for one day a week.
5.Set aside time to do something you really enjoy, put it in your diary if you have to, even if it is just an hour in the bath with a trashy novel, it is imperative to your wellbeing.
6.Final point and most important. Ditch the guilt. Be your own project, devote time and effort in having your best life, nobody ever said at the end of their life “ I so wish I had spent more time running after every other bugger”
So lets do this! let us look after ourselves completely, you cannot pour from an empty cup, if you are happier, the people around you will be happier, it really does start with you.
Remember…..”NO” is a sentence.
Take control, of every hour, every day,your thoughts, your life. Everything is a choice. By taking control of how your day proceeds you are in the driving seat