Often I awake at silly O clock, for no reason really, I’ve given this annoying habit a varying degree of thought, I am not stressed/anxious/hormonally challenged, whatever, yet every now and then, my internal alarm clock wakes me up, rather abruptly at around three AM.
I have indeed employed various tactics to get back to slumber-land, I have listened to numerous ‘relaxing downloads’ read, surely a hundred books,until finally I realized,that every download or guided meditation, no matter how perfectly assembled,could never provide the soundtrack that my own subconscious library already had on file.
The mind is such an incredible piece of equipment, almost like a computer, we have many files, some open, some sleeping, others closed and deleted, but with the touch of a button each file is accessible. For me, in those early hours, my mind sleepy and comfortably numb, it is the perfect time to open and revisit those files, this then includes revisiting the memories, the moments when life was, well simply perfect,although we may not have known this at the time I am not talking about major events here, no weddings, births or major love affairs, but moments, tiny little shards of magic, that no matter how seemingly small, trigger a feeling, a recognition, a familiarity, which when tapped into many years later, flood our very being with such nostalgia, thus becoming a healing balm and an almost unbearable lust to revisit.
I close my eyes and I hear the sound of the gentle rattle of tea cups, Sunday best china, cups and saucers, tinned salmon sandwiches, coconut cake,peaches,The Beatles singing ‘A hard days night’my Mother dancing , the sun bleaching through the Apple trees in the back garden, sewing machine humming on the dining table, home made dresses, spinning around on the perfectly manicured lawn and feeling dizzy, crimson coloured peonies , swinging on the gate looking for Grandma, Grandma! Love weeping from every pore in her body! learning to knit, her soothing patience second to none,her special Lavender oil on my ‘heat spots’ (what were they really?) laughter! arms wrapped around me, stories about Nuns,feeling safe, cocooned …….sleep.
Morning arrives, softly, gently,peacefully I awake, starting my day with gratitude, my own little family still sleeping, I tiptoe downstairs, Puppies to feed,Blinds are opened, Almost on autopilot I turn the Kettle on and reach for the Tea pot cheerily adorned with an abundance of roses, not for me the fashionable slogan adorned mugs, I start my day as always……..
with the gentle rattle of Tea cups.