Reading and writing.

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When I was around eight years old,I wrote a poem at School,I clearly remember my then Teacher Mrs Newman,gushing about it to my Mother,seemingly she found it profound and moving for a child of my age.I am afraid I remember little of my minor achievement,other than it involved the sea.I remember vividly as a child,being an obsessive reader,I was shy and introverted,reading was an escapism,it still is,But I do wonder,if this early triumph,had it been noted and encouraged later on in my school years,could have set me on a different path?

For,you see,writing is a need in me,a very primal ,basic need.I write every day,thoughts,dreams,prayers,memories.From little scribbles on the back of a supermarket receipt,to full page journal entries.I read feverishly and quickly,all the time,books,poems,quotes,blogs,pages.My hunger never stops.I write,whether on paper by way of journaling,blogging or even spilling my guts on facebook occasionally! I have to do it,I have to have a voice in some way,although admittedly I have been criticized for giving too much of myself away .This is who I am.Often in daily life I fall silent,the days are busy and unforgiving,the nights long and restless,no time or space for beautiful words,I fall asleep with the last chapter of a book slipping slowly into my subconscious mind.

Tomorrow will come as a blank page,I will find more words,I will scribble them down and carry them in my purse until I recognise their relevance.Serendipity.Every word is sent for a reason.

It is time for a new chapter……

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revolving doors.

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The spiritual path is not always an easy one I find,I know that we are born into this life to learn and grow,I accept that not all lessons are easy and our path not always smooth,but Jeez Universe! cut me some slack! My mind at times is like a smashed up lego house!

Ok,so here is the thing….I love what I do,I love all of it,the healing,the people,the places,I am spending time with people who feel like family,I have found my tribe.However…..you knew a ‘however’ was coming right? there is a part of me that is stuck in my past.

My past.Fear not I am not about to reveal anything untoward here,however it is fairly well documented that for many years I ran a Vintage business (yawn) you must be sick of hearing this,but I loved that too! There was absolutely nothing more I loved than tagging along on a house clearance and finding beautiful faded treasures,which I then gave a little TLC and sold on or recycled,whatever your view,to be loved again.But that door closed,in fact for a while all I saw were closed doors.My heart just shut down.And I prayed.I prayed for help, and it came in the form of Reiki,I slowly developed a new way of living which made total sense to me.

I had closed a door.

But lately,I have been in a funk,,I spend way too much time looking for answers that do not come and although I am constantly reminded that when one door closes another opens,here I am again wondering if more closed doors are ahead,yet I cant see an open door.

Then today.

Today my youngest Daughter and I went vintage browsing,strangely both Daughters have acquired a taste for Vintage life,we cruised around a local house clearance emporium,she picked a few bits and on the way out,I came across a little White cotton and lace Victorian child’s jacket,all crumpled and stained,but for the first time in forever,my heart leapt,it is so beautiful,all hand sewn,I could almost feel the toil and love in every stitch,I feel some Mother a lifetime ago,sat long into the night,perfecting this little Jacket for her beloved child.At once I felt as though a lost love was rekindled in me,but what does this mean?Where am I supposed to be? I don’t know,but what I do realise,is that the reason I was drawn to Vintage life,was that I possess true empathy,A Victorian child’s jacket is just that,linen,lace and thread,but it is the energy and the emotion behind the item that I am drawn to,can my two worlds co exist? do doors have to close in order for other doors to open?Maybe at the moment I am trapped inside revolving doors ,maybe doors don’t have to fully close?

on Magnificent obsessions…..

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As most folk who know me will testify,I do love a good love story,combine that with two Hollywood legends, beauty unparalleled, obscene amounts of money,and a volatile relationship often fuelled with alcohol and what do you have? The Burtons of course.

I have always loved Elizabeth Taylor,She was beautiful,she was fearless,she grabbed life by the horns and lived it,she was vulgar and excessive at times…..and not afraid to flaunt it.Of course we know that later in life she dedicated much time and money to charities,mainly the Aids foundation.She gave back.Despite her fame and fortune,Elizabeth had some real dark nights of the soul in life,maybe this is why she is so adored,for in this beautiful woman,we saw that she too endured tradgedy and loss.

So why the post about my little obsession with Taylor and Burton today? well its a little self indulgence really,I am re reading ‘The Richard Burton diaries’ it is a big brick of a book and I tend to dip in and out of it as the mood takes me,but Oh my goodness! this craggy faced Welshman with the voice that goes right to my heart,could certainly speak of life and love like no other,especially when he speaks of Elizabeth,it is just beautiful and heart melting.This entry was written in Paris,city of Lovers no less,read it and weep dear reader….

19 November 1968 – Paris

Famed as we are, rich as we are, courted and insulted as we are, overpaid as we are, centre of a great deal of attention as we are, [we] are not bored or blasé. We are not envious. We are merely lucky.

I have been inordinately lucky all my life but the greatest luck of all has been Elizabeth. She has turned me into a moral man but not a prig, she is a wildly exciting lover-mistress, she is shy and witty, she is nobody’s fool, she is a brilliant actress, she is beautiful beyond the dreams of pornography, she can be arrogant and wilful, she is clement and loving, Dulcis Imperatrix, she is Sunday’s child, she can tolerate my impossibilities and my drunkenness, she is an ache in the stomach when I am away from her, and she loves me!

Sigh……..

Summer so far……..

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Well Hello!

I apologise for my lack of blog posts ,life has been a bit of a rather lovely whirlwind of late,but here we are….July already! how did that happen? So what have I been up to? well I would love to tell you I have been having the time of my life picnicking on the river banks,adorned with cherubic infants like the lady in the image,Alas! my cherubs are grown up now and I am more likely to be found wandering around Topshop with them,as life slowly drains from me and my purse becomes lighter! but then these are happy days with my little women,memories in the making.

However! for the first time in a very long while,I am feeling quite balanced , I use the word cautiously,for I fear it may all come tumbling down around me at any moment,but for now,no major drama,everyone is well,my garden is blooming and God in his heaven sings.So here very briefly are at least some of the little changes that have helped me to sleep at night once again.

1)I am wearing sparkly flip flops,going to the beach,singing in the car to Lana del Ray,painting my nails orange.

2)I am eating healthy foods,mainly fresh fruit and vegetables,raw wherever possible.I am loving my body.Finally.

3)I am meditating daily.Thanks to finally finding a wonderful teacher,albeit briefly,he has changed my life.

4)I am decluttering my life.One day at a time.

5)I am self healing with Reiki every day( we Reiki practitioners often forget that healing starts with the self)

6) I am spending time with the loveliest of friends.Drinking tea,laughing….feeling blessed.

7)I begin and end each day with gratitude,the two simplest yet most powerful words are ‘Thank you’

8)I am literally taking the time to stop and smell the roses! Summer is likely to be fairly fleeting here in the bleak north! so I am out in the garden every day.

9)As always I am reading…and reading…and reading.Bliss.

10)I am dreaming……and wishing on stars…..and moving forwards…..one sparkly flip flop step at a time.

Happy Summertime lovely people!