I do love summertime….truly I do,but the hazy warm days and the long balmy nights do something to my poor addled brain and I find myself on permanent walkabout!
I have had a rather lovely week,seeing clients and a few friends,I became overly attached to a fledgeling blackbird I rescued in the garden,who has now found his wings,I am hoping he was sent to me as a metaphor,maybe I am finding mine?
I have spent days just wandering about,in the garden,around the house,how strange this feeling is of not knowing where I want to be.The nights are long and balmy and sleep is fractured by strange dreams,the stuff of nonsense.I pray a lot,a whole lot,for answers,for a miracle.
I am waiting.Always waiting.Something has to shift,what am I waiting for exactly?
I have been driving,I could drive forever,along the longest road ever completely alone with only the radio for company,but as usual I end up at some supermarket,somewhere,wandering up and down the aisles totally uninterested and eventually leaving with bottled water and a bag of ice.
Driving home I pass an Antique shop and suddenly I miss my old life,the Vintage life that eventually lay shattered into a million pieces with my broken heart.Deep breaths,dont look back.I cant,I wont.
I arrive home and close the door behind me,I am greeted by two small dogs who love me,I kiss them and hold them close like babies,I have too much love in me I fear.What now? the garden? again? or I could go and lie down on crisp white cotton sheets and read another chapter of the Alice Hoffman book I downloaded,I will drink more iced water and feel virtuous.Soon I will pick my Daughters up,I will prepare food.
Soon I will be pacing up and down the garden again,then bed,crisp cool sheets,lavender and spearmint oil to cool my skin,I will read and read some more,but no dreams tonight,please,not again.Tomorrow will arrive.I will wait.