On feeling restless…….

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I do love summertime….truly I do,but the hazy warm days and the long balmy nights do something to my poor addled brain and I find myself on permanent walkabout!

I have had a rather lovely week,seeing clients and a few friends,I became overly attached to a fledgeling blackbird I rescued in the garden,who has now found his wings,I am hoping he was sent to me as a metaphor,maybe I am finding mine?

I have spent days just wandering about,in the garden,around the house,how strange this feeling is of not knowing where I want to be.The nights are long and balmy and sleep is fractured by strange dreams,the stuff of nonsense.I pray a lot,a whole lot,for answers,for a miracle.

I am waiting.Always waiting.Something has to shift,what am I waiting for exactly?

I have been driving,I could drive forever,along the longest road ever completely alone with only the radio for company,but as usual I end up at some supermarket,somewhere,wandering up and down the aisles totally uninterested and eventually leaving with bottled water and a bag of ice.

Driving home I pass an Antique shop and suddenly I miss my old life,the Vintage life that eventually lay shattered into a million pieces with my broken heart.Deep breaths,dont look back.I cant,I wont.

I arrive home and close the door behind me,I am greeted by two small dogs who love me,I kiss them and hold them close like babies,I have too much love in me I fear.What now? the garden? again? or I could go and lie down on crisp white cotton sheets and read another chapter of the Alice Hoffman book I downloaded,I will drink more iced water and feel virtuous.Soon I will pick my Daughters up,I will prepare food.

Soon I will be pacing up and down the garden again,then bed,crisp cool sheets,lavender and spearmint oil to cool my skin,I will read and read some more,but no dreams tonight,please,not again.Tomorrow will arrive.I will wait. 

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So this is how it is ……

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Hello! how the heck are you? Me? same old,same old,or maybe not.

 

Goodness,this life is a funny old thing is it not?

I clearly recall this time last summer demanding the Universe sent me a better deal,days,weeks,months go by and nothing seems to change,or does it?not overnight that is for sure,but little by little I see it,I see the choices I made,for better for worse,I see regret,I see heartbreak,I see lessons,I see life.

There are parts of my story I truly wish I could delete,yes I accept the lessons,do I have a choice? but realistically? did those lessons have to be so painful? I have to live with certain choices.Forever.There is no alt.control.delete. here.

What I do have, is a clean slate,new beginnings.

I am doing something I love,truly,this is my path,I can heal,I can help.

I will awake every morning and give thanks,for my life,for my family,for my friends,Happy Summer solstice friends,may your days be filled with bliss.